How Do I Handle Parents Who Are Upset About Their Child's Grades?

"Hello, and welcome back to Teaching with Valor, where we dive deep into the questions and challenges that teachers face every day in their classrooms. I’m your host, Don Fessenden, and today, we’re going to talk about an issue that every teacher faces sooner or later: How do I handle a parent who disagrees with my teaching methods?

As teachers, we each bring our unique approach to the classroom. We develop teaching methods that we believe best support learning, foster engagement, and build confidence in our students. However, not every parent may see it that way. Whether it’s a difference in philosophy, expectations, or simply a matter of style, encountering a parent who questions your methods can feel intimidating. But with the right mindset, these conversations can actually lead to mutual understanding and even greater support for the student.

Show Notes

For more information on this topic checkout the following resources:

•Edutopia – Navigating Parental Disagreements in Education: www.edutopia.org - Practical strategies for building positive relationships with parents.
•National PTA – Tips for Productive Parent-Teacher Conversations: Resources for understanding and managing differences in educational approaches.
•Understood – Engaging Parents in Constructive Dialogue: Guides for handling disagreements with empathy and professionalism.
•Scholastic – Building Parent-Teacher Partnerships: Tips on establishing trust and effective communication with parents.
•Harvard Family Research Project – Improving Parent-Teacher Communication: Research and strategies for building strong communication with families.

Stay tuned for more episodes, and remember, every student is unique, and every classroom can be a place where all students succeed. Keep teaching with valor!

Transcript

Don: 0:07

"Welcome back to Teaching with Valor, the podcast where we tackle the everyday questions and challenges teachers face with actionable insights and practical advice. I’m your host, Don Fessenden, and today, we’re diving into a tough but important topic: How do I handle parents who are upset about their child's grades? This scenario is a rite of passage for every teacher. At some point, you’ll have a parent who questions, challenges, or outright disagrees with the grades their child has received. Maybe they feel the grades don’t reflect their child’s abilities. Maybe they’re worried about the impact on college applications or eligibility for extracurriculars. Or maybe, they just don’t fully understand how you grade or what their child is being assessed on. Conversations like these can be uncomfortable, but they’re also opportunities to build trust, clarify expectations, and work together to support the student. In today’s episode, we’ll break this down step by step. We’ll explore how to prepare for these discussions, handle them with professionalism and empathy, and leave parents with a clear understanding of their child’s progress. Whether you teach elementary, middle, or high school, these strategies will help you navigate grading complaints with confidence. And for our parent listeners, stay tuned for our bonus segment, where we’ll answer a question many parents ask: What should I do if I disagree with my child’s grade but don’t want to damage the parent-teacher relationship? Let’s jump in." In our first segment we look at why Preparation is Key."Before we talk about how to handle upset parents, let’s start with the importance of being prepared. A conversation about grades can go off the rails quickly if you’re not ready with the right information and a clear explanation of how grades were determined. The first step is to review the student’s work thoroughly. Take a look at their assignments, tests, participation records, and any other materials you’ve used to assess their progress. This will give you a solid foundation to explain how the grades were earned. If your grading includes subjective elements like participation or effort, be prepared to explain how you assess those fairly and consistently. It’s also essential to have your grading policy at your fingertips. Whether you’re teaching elementary, middle, or high school, parents need to understand the criteria you’re using to evaluate their child. For example, if a project is worth 30% of the final grade, or if late work is docked points, make sure you can explain this clearly. If you have a written syllabus or a grading rubric, have it ready to share. Finally, try to anticipate the parent’s concerns. Are they likely upset about a particular test or assignment? Is it possible they don’t understand how their child’s performance compares to the rest of the class? Thinking through these questions ahead of time can help you stay calm and focused during the conversation.""Once you’re prepared, the next step is to create an environment where the parent feels heard and respected. Let’s talk about setting the tone for the discussion.""When a parent approaches you about their child’s grades, emotions can run high. For many parents, grades feel personal—they’re tied to their hopes and dreams for their child. This is why setting the right tone at the beginning of the conversation is so important. Start by listening. When a parent is upset, one of the best things you can do is let them express their concerns fully before jumping in with explanations or defenses. You might say something like,‘I can see that you’re really concerned about[child’s name]’s grade. I want to understand your perspective so we can work together to address this.’ This shows that you’re not just there to defend yourself but to genuinely engage with their concerns. As you listen, try to identify the underlying issue. Are they worried that their child isn’t getting enough support? Do they believe the grading criteria are unfair? Or are they upset because their child’s grade doesn’t match their expectations? Understanding the root of their concern will help you respond in a way that feels relevant and constructive. It’s also important to remain calm and professional, even if the parent is emotional. Remember, this isn’t about you—it’s about their child. By staying calm and focused, you can help de-escalate the situation and steer the conversation toward solutions.""Once the parent has had a chance to share their concerns, it’s time to explain the grades and provide context. Let’s explore how to do that effectively.""Now that the parent has expressed their concerns, it’s your turn to explain how the grades were determined. This is where your preparation will pay off. Start by walking them through your grading criteria. Explain how you assess different types of work, such as tests, projects, homework, or participation. If you use rubrics or other tools to ensure fairness and consistency, show them how those tools work. For example, if the parent is upset about a low test grade, you might explain the specific skills or concepts the test was designed to assess. Show them their child’s answers and point out where they performed well and where they struggled. If possible, share examples of similar work from other students(anonymized, of course) to give context about class-wide expectations. It’s also helpful to frame the conversation in terms of growth. Instead of focusing solely on the grade, talk about what their child is learning and how they’re progressing. For instance,‘I know this grade may feel disappointing, but I’ve noticed that[child’s name] is improving in[specific area]. We’re working on strategies to build their skills, and I’m confident they’ll continue to make progress.’ If the parent raises valid points—such as unclear instructions on an assignment or inconsistent feedback—acknowledge them openly. Parents will respect your honesty and your willingness to consider their perspective. At the same time, stand firm on grades that reflect a fair and accurate assessment of the student’s work.""After explaining the grades, the next step is to work collaboratively with the parent to support the student moving forward. Let’s talk about how to do that.""Once the parent understands the grades, shift the focus to how you can work together to support the student’s success. This collaborative approach helps parents see that you’re on the same team and that your goal is to help their child thrive. Start by discussing strategies you’re using in the classroom to support the student. For example, if the student is struggling with time management, you might explain how you’re helping them break down assignments into smaller tasks. Or if they’re having trouble with a particular subject, you could mention any extra help you’re offering, such as small group instruction or after-school tutoring. Then, invite the parent to share ideas about how they can support their child at home. This might include setting up a consistent homework routine, reviewing class materials together, or using online resources to reinforce key concepts. Be specific and actionable—parents appreciate clear guidance. If the parent suggests changes to your teaching or grading practices, listen with an open mind but be prepared to explain the reasoning behind your methods. For example, if they ask for extra credit opportunities, you could say,‘I understand why you’d like to see extra credit options, but I’ve found that focusing on regular assignments is the most effective way to help students improve their skills.’ End this part of the conversation by emphasizing your shared commitment to the student’s growth. For instance,‘I really appreciate your involvement, and I’m confident that by working together, we can help[child’s name] succeed.’ This reinforces the idea that you’re partners in the student’s education.""Handling conversations about grades requires patience, preparation, and empathy. Now, let’s turn to our bonus segment, where we’ll address a question many parents have: What should I do if I disagree with my child’s grade but don’t want to damage the parent-teacher relationship?" It’s a great question because maintaining a positive partnership with the teacher is so important for your child’s success. First, approach the conversation with curiosity rather than confrontation. Instead of saying,‘Why did you give my child this grade?’ try asking,‘Can you help me understand how this grade was determined?’ This opens the door for a productive discussion without putting the teacher on the defensive. Second, be specific about your concerns. If you’re worried about a particular assignment or test, mention it directly and ask for clarification. Teachers appreciate when parents come to the conversation with a clear focus. Finally, remember that grades are just one part of your child’s overall learning journey. Focus on what the grade reveals about their strengths and areas for growth, and ask the teacher for strategies to support their progress. This collaborative approach helps keep the conversation solution-focused." Now, lets look at todays episode takeaways."Conversations about grades can be challenging, but they’re also opportunities to build trust and support for your students. By preparing thoroughly, listening with empathy, explaining grades clearly, and working collaboratively on solutions, you can navigate these discussions with confidence and professionalism. Thank you for tuning in to Teaching with Valor. For more resources on handling parent-teacher communication and supporting student growth, check out the links in our episode description. Remember, every conversation is a chance to strengthen the partnership between school and home—and that’s where true learning begins. Until next time, keep connecting, keep growing, and as always, keep teaching with valor."